Nardgristle.com

Name: Harold Dangle
Role: Lead Web Developer, Internet Video Specialist, Cartoon Critic.
Personal Details: Harold spends most of his time watching coding tutorials on YouTube, so he’s at the top of his industry and I’m glad to have him on my team. This fella chokes on his tongue and struggles to breathe properly. Don’t bring up your favorite toon around Harold because he will tell you 50 reasons why you should actually hate it.
Hawg-Knowledge: Embarrassing.

Name: Gayman F. Buttsex
Role: Social Media Account Operator, Pleaser of The Customers, and Moral Support Provider.
Personal Details: A 33-year-old married man with a happy wife and a humble home, Gayman is perfect for bringing good vibes to the social media accounts and keeping my reputation in a dang good state.
Hawg-Knowledge: Moderately Low.

Name: Buzz
Role: Web Developer, Macho Mack-Daddy, SEO Technician, Bodyguard.
Personal Details: Buzz is an all-in-one powerhouse and more important than the rest of his co-workers. Constantly reports a loud humming sound and often loses track of his tasks due to it. Avid enjoyer of found food, and denier of the 5-second rule. Typically seen with fresh blood around his mouth, the cause is unknown. I’m looking for caretakers for Buzz, so if you are interested in that position then hit me up.
Hawg-Knowledge: Damn good.

Name: Unknown (Fat Bastard from White Castle)
Role: Gives the crew something to continue fighting for.
Personal Details: The spirit of this man is embodied in all work that is made under the Nardgristle name, we do it for him. This guy was always on top of his game loading up my sliders with xtra pickles, thank you for that, rest easy you fat piece.
Hawg-Knowledge: Taste-based.

Name: The Gorm
Role: Provider of Spiritual Guidance.
Personal Details: This man is The Gorm, a person of immense power that deserves every ounce of respect you can offer to give him. Members of the Nardgristle Team are required to show fealty to this man, in order to maintain our good-standing with him, and continue to funnel his power into the creation of projects.
Hawg-Knowledge: Unknown, possibly immeasurable.

Name: Punk Peter Griffith
Role: Head of Recruitment
Message: “Sup guys, Punk Peter Griffith here, and I’ve got something important to say so please listen to what I am saying, and make sure that you are manifesting my voice inside your head while reading. Don’t make me repeat myself, cuz I paused my punk playlist on Spotify in order to get this out, al’right? The Nardgristle Team is open to applicants, and my bro Ernest would like to receive a message from you if you want in. Don’t wait too long if you got lucky and found this place early, this is a limited time offer, my guy. If you would like to apply to join the team and take my spot, that would be killer. Keep reading below in order to figure out for yourself how to join the team.”